Consecration, Day 1

"Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight; that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest."

(Psalms 51:4)

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I woke up this morning feeling lazy as always, and it was hard to bring myself together for prayer. So I decided that for this consecration, I would write down a page-worth of stuff concerning the given scripture before I would pray on it. I thought about myself, the things that I do and which are not pleasing to God and I wrote a list. Reading them over and thinking of what and how I do those things brought out feelings of conviction and of shame, and I prayed on them and the scripture. God, what else is there that is displeasing to You?

Last night at the meeting we read Mark 7:1-23 together. There were a couple of parts that spoke out to me:

"6 He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me."

When I read this, I wondered to myself, am I praying and honoring from my heart, or my lips? How exactly would I know? I don't know the actual distinction, and I feel that I won't truly, fully know until my spirit is heightened and strengthened in the Word, and when I become more sensitive to His voice and His signs. There is no reason for me to be in denial or choose to not seek and find the difference. There is too much risk in that ignorant route.

"15 There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man. 16 If any man have ears to hear, let him hear. 17 And when he was entered into the house from the people, his disciples asked him concerning the parable. 18 And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him; 19 Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats?

20 And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man. 21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22 Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: 23 All these evil things come from within, and defile the man."

It reminded me of Proverbs 23:7, which stated "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he". I can't blame my own sins on other things. They can only come from within me. Outside things may influence my decisions and my thoughts, but these things have to be already within myself for them to take root. Even if I don't feel convicted or the Holy Ghost signaling to me, it's still my responsibility to deal with it accordingly.

I won't actually write the list down since it's pretty detailed and graphic, but my faults seem to be across the board for the most part; sexual sins, lying, thieving thoughts, gluttony, cussing and threatening things, and personality flaws like procrastination/laziness, selfishness, unforgiveness/grudging, tempting thoughts and actions and other kinds of uncleanliness. Perhaps some of them seem "normal" but they are certainly not of God at all. As I began to pray, I confessed the things that I do and feel in detail, asked for strength, perseverance and a repentant and forgiving spirit.

Lord, remove these awful things from my system. Teach me, instill in me a response against unrighteousness, an OCD, even. Aid me as I continue to be righteous and just in your eyes, even when around friends and worldly people. Let me be a good example of a "Work In Progress" in You, let them see my dedication in my walk in Christ and be inspired, let them develop some sort of respect for You and my decision to live according to Your Word.

Help me continue this halt of my usual lifestyle activities to learn to give you glory daily, to develop a stronger prayer life, to have that 'prayer warrior' spirit that I feel that I should have. Let me be able to withstand your tests, and the works of the enemy. I am working towards divine strength, supernatural endurance, and an impenetrable armor of faith, in Jesus name.